The Last Haven
by 1tskillingm3
Summary: Eren was brutally raped during the brief time he was being held by the military police. When he was given to the care of Survay Corps he dared to hope that he might be safe from that kind of thing. Oh how wrong he is. Levi/Eren flashbacks Erwin/Eren others. If you have trouble reading this sort of story, don't do it.
1. Chapter 1

_Eren couldn't breath. Hands were on him again but they were just exploring… for now. The important bit was that he couldn't seem to breath around the panic clawing up through his chest. The pain hadn't begun yet, but he knew it was only a matter of time. After all, it wasn't like his attackers had to worry about being rough; any marks they made would surely be healed in an hour or two. And oh how they seemed to enjoy being rough._

_ He couldn't breath. _

_ Not that he couldn't get away if he really tried. He was a Titan after all. One bite and he could make it all go away. He was a better fighter then these guards even in human form. There was nothing really stopping him from stopping it except… except they might go after Mikasa and Armin for being traitors if they really did believe they had helped a rouge Titan. He couldn't let that happen. So even as they grabbed him with a bruising grip and ripped into him with no prep Eren did not fight. He let it happen every time._

_ He couldn't breath._

_ The guards snarled over his wanting to go to the bathroom and clean every few hours but he couldn't help it; he felt filthy, and no amount of scrubbing seems to get rid of it… that and any minuet not chained to that bed in the cell beneath the courtroom… chained and at the mercy of those guards. Not that kept him safe; sometimes they came for him there. At least they seemed a little more unenthusiastic about the idea if they thought he was taking a shit. But that never lasted long. It was only a matter of time before they spread him like the hideous monster he was again._

_ He couldn't-!_

"Oi brat! Get the fuck up. You can have your beauty sleep when your dead." Drawled Corporal Levi delivering a merciless kick to Eren's gut sending him tumbling from his small cot. Not that he actually minded all that much… the sudden awakening from his less the pleasant dreams or the pain. Gasping in lungful's of precious air Eren hurriedly muttered his apologies as he got to his feet. The Corporal looked as if he might want to say something else but he merely clicked his tongue and strode out of Eren's small room in the dungeons.

Sighing, Eren dragged a hand through his hair and strode to the wash basin in the corner. Taking extra care to clean himself up- sometimes it seemed that Levi could detect filth from several rooms away… probably why he seemed to hate Eren's existence – Eren wiped his face dry with a towel, taking extra not to look at his reflection, and hurriedly began strapping on his gear.

Not making eye contact with the new guards that stood outside his room Eren made his way up the stairs of the HQ of Survey Corps. The new guards had never made a move on Eren, but he was chained to his bed here too until Levi came to get him every morning and he couldn't get rid of the ever present fear that one day he might just _look_ at the guards wrong and they'd have him bent over the nearest surface. A shiver crawled up his spine that had nothing to do with the temperature.

When he was imprisoned by the Military Police he thought that escaping to the Survey Corps would a little like heaven. He'd be safe from his attackers, he would be fighting Titans, he would be protecting the people he cared about, and working with the bravest and best in the kingdom… it seemed to hold so much promise. But so far it was none of those things. Oh sure, he was far away from his _first_ attackers but he had learned that they weren't the only ones eager to take a shot at him when they had a chance. The Survey Corps hadn't ventured outside the walls again yet so he hadn't gotten to kill anymore Titan's. People were wary and tended to treat him like a monster(even Petra and the others, they seemed so friendly and warm, but even they were just waiting to kill him), and he wouldn't say so much he was working _with_ the bravest and strongest more like he was whatever tool they needed him to be. For Hange that meant she had a new and resilient lab-rat/Titan to play with, for Levi that meant he had his own personal maid to order around so the whole castle was spotless and occasionally he suspected he served as Levi's personal punching bag, and as for Erwin…

"_You've done well today Eren_…"

He shivered again and resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself at the memory of their most recent encounter. At least Erwin was considerate enough not to hurt him usually. Still, the fact that his messed up body _liked_ it, even _craved_ it when his heart and head were in agony almost made it worse. But as before, he couldn't say no and he never bothered. Even if he reported him, who would believe him, a titan, over one of Humanity's strongest? And suppose they did, what then? The world needed Erwin much more than it needed Eren. So what if the Commander was participating in less than moral activities? It wasn't like every other Commander wasn't also doing plenty of questionable things. So long as they killed plenty of Titan's, who cared about one freak's emotional turmoil?

_No one cared, no one would stop it, there was no point in fighting… no point…_

"-ren!" Eren turned his head as he registered his name being called. He saw Armin and Mikasa hurrying towards him.

"Hey." Eren said plastering a smile on his face that was only 70% fake… he loved seeing his friends after all… even if seeing them made him think how disgusted they would be if they the sorts of things he did now fairly regularly.

"We were calling for you, but you didn't respond. You were in your own world. What were you thinking about?" asked Armin frowning as the two drew even with him.

"Just… stuff. The next expedition and what-not." Said Eren vaguely as he could manage. He was a very poor liar; he had a naturally upfront personality… sadly life seemed to be require that he keep more and more secrets lately.

"It is a bit nerve wrecking isn't it?" agreed Armin seeming to buy the lie, "especially when so much is bound to fall on your shoulders."

"Don't remind me." Grimaced Eren, actually the idea of fighting Titan's was more appealing than ever now… at least there was still something he could _fight_.

"Well come on," said Armin trying to smile bravely, "Let's go get breakfast before Sasha eats all of it."

"Yeah…" agreed Eren. He saw Mikasa's eyes narrow and knew his mask must have slipped for a moment.

"Eren…" she said as they followed a little behind Armin, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong Mikasa. Stop worrying so much." Eren sighed.

"It's that midget isn't it? He's been giving you shit again hasn't he?" Mikasa said angrily.

"Wah-? Nono, Levi is fine. Nothing's wrong there." Eren assured her, glad he was able to let the surprising honesty of that statement show on his face. Mikasa frowned as she was forced to believe that Eren was telling the truth.

"Well just tell me if he gives you trouble and I'll…." She trailed off muttering a string of death threats against Levi. Eren had to suppress a chuckle. He wasn't sure why the two Akermen's hated each other(he supposed Levi hadn't made a very good first impression on Mikasa by giving him a public beating but still…) but really, Levi was the least of his problem's these days. Actually he looked forward to spending time with the Corporal more than anyone else here. The shorter man was straight shooting and blunt. He always had some grueling task for Eren to complete that didn't allow him to stew in his own painful thoughts. He was the only one who believed Eren when he had partially transformed on accident. The only one who had successfully protected him from _anything_ in a long time. And when the Corporal did beat him it was frankly a relief. It wasn't like there was even a chance he could self-harm considering his Titan transformation was triggered by self inflicted wounds and strong emotions. So Eren was left to relish every sting of pain the Corporal would inflict on him for as long as possible… almost to the point that he noticed that a few times he had actually messed up on purpose just so he could be punished. Not that he could keep doing that; the Corporal was far from stupid and he would notice… and no doubt be pissed beyond belief.

The Corporal was one of the few vaguely safe people to him left(maybe because he knew he would probably never be able to harm Levi even if he did lose his shit) he would not risk what might happen if the short man decided that he needed to find more creative ways of punishing Eren. He got enough of that.

Eren sat down with his former classmates as they chatted about various things and laughed. Even though they had suffered many hardships as well and he should have more closely connected to them then ever, he didn't. Instead he felt strangely separate from the group. He wanted to be part of their conversations. He wanted to be part of the temporary escape their presence offered, but… something seemed to be stopping him. Eren was distinctly aware of the oppressive feel of the bodies on either side of him, even though they should have been a comfort. Every accidental brush of physical contact made him struggle against himself not to flinch disproportionally.

"Is Eren Jeagar I here? Commander Erwin wishes to him in his office." Said a soldier sticking his head into the dinning hall. The other's all turned to look at him in confusion.

"What'd you do this time?" hissed Jean from down the table.

"Nothing… maybe he wants to talk about the expedition?" suggested Eren getting up and hooking his fingers through his harness so no one see them shake. The other's seemed to buy his explanation… well all except Eren himself. He actually had a fairly good idea what the Commander wanted with him. Thought made him want to throw himself out the window rather then set foot in that office again. Eren had to pause in an empty corridor as his whole body started to shake violently, refusing to take another step forward.

_I can't breath_.

Why should his body want to go on? It knew what was in store for it.

_I can't breath._

It was too much. He couldn't do it anymore. He'd break. He already had broken. But he still needed to go anyway. His Commander was calling for him and would be displeased if he was late. It would be worse if he was late.

_I can't breath. I can't breath. Ican'tbreath!_

"Oi brat. Why the hell are you just standing in the middle of corridor like an idiot? What the hell are you-?" whatever Levi was going to say died on his lips as he got a good look at Eren's face. Whatever he saw there caused his expression to turn serious, "Come with me brat."

"N-no, Commander Erwin wants- I have to-" Eren tried to get out but his brain all seemed hardwired wrong. 'get it together Eren!' he scolded himself.

"Erwin can wait." Drawled Levi unconcernedly, "I'll send a message to him telling him you'll be late. You're coming with me."

"_…Eren I need you to come with me."_

_ I can't breath!_

Nononono, not Levi too. Not his last safe place. Would he have to fear encountering the Corporal too now? He couldn't take it anymore. Maybe he should transform and force them to take him out. Anything was better. Getting eaten by Titan's was better(he would know). Anything was better than this.

_Ican't-Ican't-Ican't!_

"Eren, calm your shit." Levi commanded sternly reaching for his arm.

"No! I can't-!" said Eren desperately jerking out of his reach. He saw Levi's eyes narrow with a suspicion before widening as Eren's erratic breathing caused the world to tilt and then go black. Just before he passed out felt arms that were strangely safe and gentle catch him and cradle him close and he swore he heard Levi murmur his name frantically… only he couldn't because Levi would _never_ say his name like that… and then he thought no more.


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING THIS CHAPTER HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT**

**Chapter 2**

_That damn brat._

Levi quietly seethed to himself as he pretended like he wasn't intently watching everything Hanji did as she fussed over an unconscious Eren. He had known, _he had known something was up with the kid damnit_. But he hadn't said anything. It hadn't been his damn problem. It still wasn't. Yet…

He knew that look. That expression he had glimpsed in Eren's eyes several times now. He may not have seen it in a while- not since his days in the criminal underworld- but it was unmistakable. Yet he _must_ be mistaken because this was Eren fucking Jegar for gods sake! He was a fucking _titan_ shifter! Why the hell would that sort of raw, unbearable, haunted look be in his eyes? Admittedly most soldiers had a fairly haunted look to their eyes- going beyond the walls and watching your friends be consumed by monsters tended to do that to a person- but this was different look and, most importantly, it hadn't been present _at all_ when Levi had first met Eren after the last Titan attack.

Levi frowned as unsettling theories started to swirl within his mind and he tried to shake them off. It still wasn't his business, he reminded himself. His only duty was to supervise Eren as he carried out Erwin's orders and to kill the boy if he appeared unstable or treacherous in his Titan form. That was all. He was not the boy's fucking shrink, so whatever had happened to make to brat start having panic attacks left and right he needed to get the hell over it himself. Once the brat woke up Levi resolved to tell him so.

_It wasn't his business_.

What did Levi care if that beautiful fire he had witnessed in Eren's eyes when he had first met him had seemed to have been extinguished? What did he care if whatever the hell had happened caused Eren- the _brat_ he corrected himself- to all but disappear aside from the small bit necessary to carry out his physical duties… that's all Levi was ever interested in having him here for wasn't it?

_It wasn't his _fucking_ business! And he definitely didn't care for one snot nosed brat's problems._

Even if said brat cried in his sleep, begging for his Corporal to save him from a fate that somehow Levi didn't think had anything to do with Titans.

_Goddamnit all…_ Levi suppressed a groan rubbing his forehead, _even if it wasn't his business it bugged him! And he didn't like it one bit. Not what was happening to the brat and not how the brat's pain seemed to affect him._

Sighing, Levi focused on the young man laying before him. He was far too skinny and dark shadows circled his closed eyes. Even in sleep, Eren didn't seem peaceful. Levi cursed within his mind. What a shitty time to start caring. What a shitty person to start caring about. He hadn't felt this way since Isabelle and Farlen and the way things were looking it wouldn't be long before Eren too would be taken away from him… one way or another. If the Titan's didn't get him the no doubt the counsel wouldn't allow him to live very long anyway. He really couldn't afford to get attached.

_Well a bit late for that_.

"Ara, if you keep glaring like that you are going to get frown line's permanently etched into your face! You won't attract any fine young things that way!" teased Hanji poking his cheek and reminding Levi of her less than appreciated presence. Not for the first time Levi entertained the idea of stabbing her in the head repeatedly. But, not only would that lose humanity a great asset, Levi wouldn't put it past Hanji to be creepy enough to come back from the grave just to bug him for eternity. It didn't have anything to do with the fact that he was rather fond of her. That was definitely absurd.

"I don't need any young things chasing after my ass, there are enough of them as it is, so if glaring repulses them then all the more reason to do it I say." Retorted Levi raising a condescending eyebrow.

"Aw, my Levi is never going to get laid, no wonder you're such a grump," sighed Hanji dramatically and Levi felt a muscle in his face start to twitch uncontrollably, "Ah but if people knew what an insane freak you were you wouldn't have nearly so many worshippers."

"And who is calling who a freak now, hmm?" tisked Levi clicking his tongue. Before Hanji could gleefully retort the response he could see on the tip of her tongue he cut her off, "So what's wrong with the brat?"

"Hmm? Eren?" Hanji's face lost it's teasing expression and turned serious, "I don't know. If he was hurt or sick then his body had long since recovered from it… All though it does appear that he is a bit malnourished and sleep deprived. Other then that he should be fit as a fiddle… Physically that is. You an I know that for a soldier that's not all that matters is it, Levi?"

"Hmm…" hummed Levi noncommittally turning over the information over him his mind, "So there is no sign that anyone had been giving him trouble recently?"

"If someone has then Eren's titan abilities have long since removed any evidence." Said Hanji shaking she head before fixing him with a quizzical look, "Is there any reason to think that there might be?"

"Just a theory." Said Levi vaguely pushing himself off the wall and heading for the door.

"Don't you want to wait for him to wake up?" asked Hanji in surprise.

"Why the fuck would I do that? I am not his mummie, I couldn't care less." growled Levi walking out, behind him he could hear Hanji sigh softly.

"You know, you're not half the actor you think you are sometimes Levi."

* * *

Eren could hear voices speaking softly as he started to wake up. He realized that for the first time since this whole business started he had slept without any dreams. Then Eren realized that he wasn't in his cell downstairs and his blood went cold. Had he passed out during a… _session_ or something? It had happened before, though Erwin had just continued to fuck him while he was unconscious. But no, he body was lacking that sort of hyper sensitive sting on his skin that always was present if he had to heal at all. So not an encounter with Erwin then. Now that he knew it was safe to remember, Eren tried sort through his most recent memories. Levi… it had had something to do with Corporal Levi. Eren's eyes widened as it came back to him.

He had had a panic attack and passed out in front of his most important person.

Shame weld up within Eren as he squeezed his eyes more tightly shut. Fuck, he hadn't been able to face himself in the mirror in a while now and interactions with other were already difficult, but how on earth was he supposed to face his superior _now_? He would want an explanation surely, and Eren couldn't tell him. He supposed he would have to come up with a lie, but it better be convincing because Eren was a terrible liar at the best of times and these were definitely not the best of times.

"-rong with Eren?" asked a deep baritone that sent shivers of panic up and down his spine.

"Hmm? I thought Levi was supposed to drop by your office and fill you in." came Hanji's confused voice.

"He did drop by," sighed Erwin, "He just said that Eren wouldn't be coming to my office because he was unwell and then stormed off."

"Ah, he was in quite a prissy mood when he left here wasn't he?" laughed Hanji.

"So what happened?" asked Erwin and Eren had to try very hard not to tense and alert the two of them that he was awake. When Erwin found out he would know. He would know right away that Eren was losing his usefulness, that even something as small as a meeting with his superior was enough to bring him quaking to his knees. Would he even bother keeping him now or would he cut his loses and just have Hanji cut him open?

"I am not sure actually." Said Hanji's uncertain voice, "Levi wasn't all that articulate. He just kicked open my door with Eren in his arms and told me to fix him… "

"But why…?" wondered Erwin frowning. Eren was wondering something similar. Why hadn't Levi ratted him out? Why hadn't he just called some of the other soldiers to come bring Eren to Hanji instead of carrying him himself?

"Yeah, I thought it was a bit out of character too." Agreed Hanji.

"So did you find out what's wrong with Eren? We have a expedition coming up, we can't have our Titan shifter out of commission." Said Erwin going right back to business.

"Like I told Levi, if he got hurt then it's already healed. Whatever has happened he seems to be fine now." Said Hanji and Eren could almost picture the half shrug she must have given.

"Then why is he still unconscious?" asked Erwin.

"My best guess? He appears to be a bit sleep-deprived. I think that after he recovered from whatever caused him to lose consciousness in the first place his body merely seized the opportunity to catch up on it's sleep." Said Hanji unconcernedly, "It's fairly normal for humans, and Titan shifter or not Eren still seems to require sleep and rest."

"I see." Said Erwin, his tone giving away nothing about what he thought on the matter, "Well tell him when he wakes that he may take the rest of today to recover. I want him fully functional for the training and experiments tomorrow."

"I will!" said Hanji cheerfully and Eren heard tapping of footsteps and the soft thump of the door closing as Erwin left, "You know Eren, if you want to pretend to be asleep then you should probably try and remember to breath. I've seen corpses more relaxed then you."

"Why didn't you say something?" mumbled Eren opening his eyes and looking over at her.

"You looked like you didn't want us to know." Shrugged Hanji with a smile, "I've been there, eavesdropping is fun right?"

"That's… not…" muttered Eren in embarrassment as he sat up, but what was he supposed to say? That he was afraid of the idea of having another panic attack in the presence of his tormentor? She had given him the perfect excuse.

"So Eren, as you heard Corporal Levi did not tell me much, do you think you could explain what happened?" asked Hanji casually, though her eyes were watching him closely.

"Oh… I.. um…" said Eren looking anywhere but her, he hadn't come up with a good lie yet! "I forgot to eat breakfast and got a bit dizzy?"

That happened to people didn't it?

"You make that sound like a question." Laughed Hanji though Eren swore her gaze sharpened.

"Well… it's a little foggy." Eren tried.

"I see, though I am a little confused as to why that might have happened. After all, you've been a soldier for a while now, and before that you were a refugee weren't you? Your body should be fairly used to missing a meal now and then." Said Haji casually and Eren's blood went cold.

"Yeah… that is kind of weird isn't it?" laughed Eren nervously.

"Hmm…" hummed Hanji in agreement before she abruptly got to her feet, "So I suppose you heard what Erwin said right? Please take the rest of the day to rest and take care of yourself."

"Oh yes, thank you." Said Eren blinking and hurriedly getting to his feet.

"Oh and Eren?" said Hanji as Eren paused with his hand on the door, "When lying it helps if you look like you actually believe the words you're saying."

"Hanji-" began Eren gulping nervously.

"You don't need to tell me, it's really not my business unless Erwin orders it to be. But just to warn you that if you try lying like that to Levi or Erwin they are going to be pissed." Said Hanji frankly.

"I- thank you for telling me. I'll- I'll keep that in mind." Said Eren lamely.

"And do actually try and take care of yourself Eren. Believe it or not there are people here who care about what happens to you." Said Hanji with a sad smile.

"I understand." Said Eren with a tight smile that he hoped was believable. From the sigh Hanji gave he could tell it wasn't. Not wanting to get caught out in any more lies Eren hurried back to his room instead.

This couldn't go on. Hanji was right, if Corporal Levi asked Eren wouldn't be able to lie… but maybe, just _maybe_, he could tell the Corporal what was going on. It wasn't like he had any pride left to preserve. Levi probably wouldn't be able to help but… maybe he'd understand when Eren inevitably failed them. He had kept Eren's panic attack a secret after all. Maybe he could continue to be Eren's haven. Maybe-

Eren's heart seemed to stop as got to his room and realized that the guards were not there. He wondered if he could just go somewhere else, but he had been ordered by the Commander to rest and Hanji would be suspicious if he returned to her office and he didn't want to even try and contemplate the torrent of questions that would come from Armin and Mikasa if he went to rest in their rooms. Swallowing, Eren forced himself to push open the door, already knowing what he would find and knowing that it would be worse the longer that he put it off.

"You know you're stiff as a board when you pretend to sleep." Commented Erwin not turning to look at him as he inspected the chains by the bed.

"Yes sir." Agreed Eren quietly letting the door fall shut behind him.

"Will I need to worry about another incident like to today repeating itself?" Inquired Erwin mildly.

"No sir." Said Eren so softly he wasn't sure Erwin heard him. Finally, his Commander turned and looked at him with an unreadable expression.

"You know what to do." Erwin told him flatly. Eren nodded numbly and began fumbling with the straps to his gear, carefully placing them on their hook before doing the same with his cloths. Fighting the ever present humiliation Eren stood bare and awaited his next instructions.

"On your stomach." Erwin ordered nodding to his bed. Obediently, Eren complied, sprawling out on his sheets with his head buried in his arms and his hips raised the way he knew Erwin would want him. Chains locked into place so that if Eren changed his mind part way through- the way he often did- and tried to get away despite the consequences that would follow he would be held in position for Erwin's use. Lastly, Erwin secured a gag in his mouth that would keep him from biting anything and accidentally transforming.

"Titan healing abilities are really quite extraordinary," mused Erwin spreading and squeezing Eren's cheeks for his gaze, "We've done this so many times and you're always back to a near virginal state by the next time."

Eren tried not to whimper pathetically into the gag as Erwin unceremoniously shoved two slick fingers inside and began stretching him slightly. He was right, his healing abilities did make it so that every time was about as painful as the first time. The only reason Erwin prepared him at all was because he was always too tight and tense to just shove right in and that wouldn't really feel good for Erwin either. It would hurt less if he stopped fighting it, but he couldn't seem to trick his body into thinking that it wanted this pain. His cock always remained limp in these sessions unless Erwin was in the mood to torture him with his own pleasure. However, Erwin didn't usually bother to take the time to root for his prostate or stimulate his cock. Eren suspected it was because he liked the way Eren's muscles would spasm and clench in pain.

"You know what Levi asked me today?" asked Erwin conversationally as if he didn't have his fingers shoved up Eren's ass, "He wanted to know if I'd seen or heard about anyone hurting you lately. Tell me Eren, what did you say to him?"

Eren shook his head frantically as tears blurred his vision. Levi had been asking about him. Levi had been trying to find out who was hurting Eren. Too bad he asked the wrong person. Eren had a feeling he was going to pay for that concern. And he was right. Fingers were removed far too swiftly causing spots to flash painfully in his vision.

"Lying to your superiors now Eren? It's clear you must have said something…" insisted Erwin giving no warning before he shoved to the hilt. Eren screamed into his gag his whole body jerking against the chains, desperate to get away from this massive intrusion. Erwin gripped his hips more firmly as he started thrusting. Tears streamed down Eren's face and he could feel a trickle of blood and other fluids start to drip down his thigh, "Maybe I should offer you to Levi too? How does that sound? You've always been fond of him."

Panic zipped through Eren's senses at that and he shook his head furiously. Anything, anyone, but Levi. Erwin was right, he was fond of his Corporal. Having him use him in this way felt like it would destroy Eren completely.

"You would hate that wouldn't you? You think you want his help, but you don't _really_ want him to see you offering your ass like a dirty slut, do you?" commented Erwin so nonchalantly someone might think they were talking about the weather. He did usually talk so much… usually he just threw Eren down on the nearest flat surface and took him with barely a word and then excused him to his duties. However, it appeared that the knowledge that Levi was taking an interest in Eren had pissed him off. A particularly sharp thrust had Eren losing his shaky train of thought and screaming into his gag and clawing at the scratchy sheets. Erwin picked up the pace and it wasn't long before he came with a muted grunt.

"I will be leaving for a short while to organize some things for the up coming expedition," said Erwin the moment he caught his breath resuming the conversation as if nothing had happened, "In that time I expect you get your act together and be ready to fight at full capacity for the upcoming battles. I will ensure that no one bothers you for the rest of today so that you can recover from your episode earlier today."

Eren nodded mutely and let his body go limp as it was released from it's chains. Erwin rattled off a few more practical instructions about taking care of himself while he was a way but Eren barely registered anything. When the Commander departed Eren made no move to clean up though there was blood and cum on his thighs and some of the places where the chains had been attached where not only bruised but had broken the skin as well. He knew he needed to at least clean himself out before his Titan abilities kicked in and everything more difficult again, but Eren couldn't seem to find the will or strength to do so. He lay limply on the bed and let the tears continue to stream down his face not even bothering to remove the gag or untangle himself from the chains. He was so out of it he didn't even here the soft click of the door opening again or the choked gasp.

"Eren, who the _fuck_ did this to you?!" snarled Levi.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

For a moment Levi couldn't see anything beyond the baffling rage that suddenly coursed through his whole being. Not that the lack of vision mattered; that image of Eren laying there so broken that he had walked into was permanently etched into his mind. Levi grabbed the doorway for support trying to clear his raging mind. Eren was struggling to untangle himself from his chains- they had _tied him down?!_ He was going to fucking murder whoever had done this- and try to cover the damage as best as he could.

Well it was a bit late for that.

"Eren, who did this?" repeated Levi advancing a step but stopping himself as the boy before him flinched fearfully. Levi took a deep breath trying to calm himself. He hated that terrified look in Eren's eyes, hated even more that Eren might think there was a _reason_ to be afraid of him. Levi could be angry all he wanted but it would do nothing to help the boy in front of him. He would work on getting the name of Eren's attacker out of him later. For now there was more practical needs he could attend to.

"Where are your cloths?" asked Levi in a much softer tone, Eren blinked at him like that wasn't the response he was waiting for, "Or you might want to clean up I suppose… would you like me to leave the room for that part? I image you won't want me touching you."

"What are you doing?" mumbled Eren hugging his sheets more tightly around his shoulders looking lost as Levi set the wash basin next to him with a cloth and some bandages and then brought him his cloths.

"What does it look like I am doing brat? I am helping you." Growled Levi, he supposed he should be a little gentler in the way he handled the titan shifter, but that had never really been his forte. Plus, he doubted Eren would have appreciated being coddled even if he needed it.

"Why?" asked Eren in bewilderment. Levi turned away so that Eren would see how his hands shook with rage… The things he could do to the bastards who had the audacity to make Eren believe that he wasn't important.

"Because I am your Corporal dim-witted brat and it's my job to look after you and protect you. I wish you had come to me about this, I would have put a stop to this. This has been going on for a couple months now hasn't it? Damn it, I knew someone was hurting you but I assumed that it was just some idiot bully and that you would be able to handle yourself if it really got too bad... Regardless, I should have intervened sooner." Said Levi looking Eren in the eye as he knelt in front of him. Green eyes darted away from his gaze in shame as Levi saw Eren's partially covered hands ball into fists.

"You didn't know- it's not you're job to-" began Eren his voice choking up.

"No, don't do that. Look at me Eren Jegar." Growled Levi reaching forward and gripping Eren's chip and turning him back to face him. Eren flinched so hard Levi almost let go out of guilt knowing the turmoil the physical touch must be causing, but he hung on knowing he couldn't let Eren just run away and hurt himself with such self destructive thoughts, "It _is_ my job to protect you and I failed this time around, but now I know and I won't let this go on. Whatever lies you believe or have been told to you this was _not your fault_."

"Corporal…" whispered Eren fresh tears starting to form in his already red eyes.

"Now let's get you cleaned up so we can get you out of here." Said Levi letting go of him and standing up.

"I am- Erwin said I was not to leave this room for the rest of the day." Eren managed to get out.

"I'll deal with Erwin," Levi growled out, "You are not going to be forced to stay in the room where you were raped."

"Levi…"

"Now hurry up and clean up, be thorough because we both know you're not going to want to do it again later. I'll turn around so you don't have to be embarrassed or whatever." Said Levi turning away as he did so not bothering not correct Eren. So long as Eren remembered himself in front of the other soldiers, Levi found he didn't mind the brat speaking to him so informally.

"…Thank you." Whispered Eren and Levi could hear the soft shush of sheets as he started to clean himself.

"Don't thank me yet." Said Levi so soft Eren couldn't hear him. Right now he was barely holding himself together for Eren's sake. His movements felt jerky and his mind clipped as it sorted out all the necessary details and obstacles he would need to take care of, but underneath that same helpless rage still boiled directionlessly. It was taking all his control to keep it in check, especially when he could hear the muffled sound of Eren's pained whimpers as he attended to his wounds. Instead Levi focused on what he was going to do next. What he had planned would surly piss off a good many people in the capital- not that he was planning to inform them of his decision- and probably alarm many of the other soldiers here but Levi frankly didn't give a shit. In Erwin's absence he held the top level of authority within the Survey Coups and he would use it for the benefit of his soldiers, most specifically the soldier that was dressing behind him.

"You can turn around now." Said Eren quietly.

"Don't you want to bandage your hands?" asked Levi turning and surveying Eren's still bleeding wrists.

"No point. Everything will be healed in a hour or so." Said Eren dismissively glancing at his wrists and adjusting his sleeves. Levi gritted his teeth at the way the brat seemed to think his injuries were unimportant just because they healed faster then other peoples. However, Levi realized that he really had to pick his battles in this situation. One day he would make Eren see his own worth, but the boy wasn't in a state where he would even be able to see it right now so there wasn't much of a point trying to force the issue right now.

"Can you walk?" asked Levi with concern.

"I'll manage." Said Eren pursing his lips in determination. Levi balled his fists and instead focused on that hint of fiery determination in Eren's eyes that he hadn't seen in so long. One day, Levi promised himself, he would bring that light back to Eren's eyes permanently. Till then…

"Right, well then follow me." Said Levi tensely leading the way out of the dark cell.

"Where are we going?" asked Eren limping after him.

"This place is no longer safe for you." Said Levi simply, "So we will make a place that will be safe for you."

** I don't normally comment on my stories or profile or whatever. It's normally my policy to let my stories stand by themselves and not try and influence people's experiences of that story with my own agenda. **

** That being said I was reading though some comments on this story and decided that I really would like to say something given the delicate nature of this genre of writing.**

** There is nothing beautiful about rape, if you feel sick or horrified by reading about it then that is a fairly healthy response. I suppose the reason that I choose to sometimes write stories where it occurs is that;**

**1)****rape happens far more commonly- among both genders and in every type of system- then we'd like to acknowledge. It is an issue that I care a lot about and so rather then just writing stories that are comfortable I hope to accurately convey just how horrible and real these situations can be(even in the fictional/fantasy world)**

**2)****And then the other, perhaps bigger reason, is that I like to try and show that there is still hope and happiness that can be possible for those who experience such things.**

**You are not required to share my opnions, like my writing, or even read my writing. I am not offended by such things.**

**That is all.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_Hot. Eren was surrounded by something hot and moist._

_ He felt like he was supposed to be doing something but whatever it was just kept slipping away. Looking around him he realized that he was sitting in his old house before the fall of Maria. _

_Everything felt dead. Dead and hot. _

_The air was stale and uncomfortable to breath. The colors and everything around him seemed muted. Once again the feeling that he had come here for a reason crept up on him but he couldn't seem to find the motivation to care. Eren knew in his head there where things that he cared about- though he couldn't put his finger on what at the moment- but he also could feel the faint echo of terrible pain that caring had brought about. This world felt dead. Eren felt dead. And that felt strangely relieving. Lately, just being alive had become a state of existence far too painful to be desirable anymore._

_"Eren! Snap out of it! You're going to hurt someone!" came Armin's voice seeming to come from really far away. _

_He was going to hurt someone? He didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't want to be hurt either. _

_"Eren please!"_

_Couldn't they see that he was hurt? Couldn't they see that if this went on any longer then- but no, he had decided to stay in this dead world. It _wouldn't_ go on any longer. _

_"Out of the way kid, he can't hear you anymore." came a low voice much closer then Armin's. That voice. That voice had pulled him out of the darkness and pain countless times. He could trust that voice._

_"Listen here brat, you need to snap the hell out of it or I am going to be forced to take you out." Levi said quietly though it felt like the words echoed through every pore of Eren's body. Levi might be forced to take him out… but that didn't make sense because the only reason he would have to do that was-_

Eren opened his eyes to the constricting heat of his Titan for wrapped all around him. He could see the rest of his squad staring at him warily with swords drawn all except Levi who was standing on his shoulder calmly looking at him intently. That was right. They had been doing experiments with his Titan form today.

"You finally awake brat?" asked Levi calmly as if he hadn't just been seconds away from being forced to end Eren's life. Eren kind of wished he had anyway. Suddenly the hot tendons wrapped around his limbs felt far too much like chains tying him down and he began to try and pull away frantically.

Eren broke out of the back of the back of his Titan's neck gasping for breath. He tried to yank his arms and legs free but they seemed to be trying to fuse into the flesh below. In an instant Levi was there cleanly slicing him out of the neck. Eren tensed up for a moment when he felt strong arms wrap around his torso.

"I know you hate it, but you don't have your gear and I have to get you down from here." Levi murmured in his ear and Eren nodded faintly relaxing slightly though tension still skittered through his senses as his Corporal held him close with one arm as he used the other to propel them safely to the ground where the younger soldier was immediately released.

"Eren!" shouted Mikasa running towards them with Armin on her heals.

"Keep your distance Akerman, he just came out of the back of a fucking Titan for the third time this afternoon." growled Levi stepping between the two of them before Mikasa could throw her arms around her adopted brother. Eren was once again filled with relief that his Corporal _understood_ what he could put into words. The deep need for space he felt that had little to do with his multiple transformations that afternoon. He caught Levi's eye for a moment who gave him a nod of acknowledgement before turning back to his fuming sister.

"Out of the way midget, I need to make sure that you haven't chopped off any of his limbs or anything." snarled Mikasa glowering at the man in front of her.

"I obviously haven't, or have you gone blind in the last hour as well?" Levi shot back. The two glared at each other darkly and the tension in the air was almost tangible.

"Mikasa, listen to Levi. I am fine… just a bit tired out." said Eren smiling weakly. Mikasa's eyes softened as they met his and she nodded before backing off slightly.

"Eren~! you did wonderfully today! It seems like each time you keep your consciousness for a little longer! And you've not passed out yet! Excellent improvement!" Hanji squealed happily pushing her way into Eren's personal space. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing as she continued to prattle on.

"Oi, four eyes. Do everyone a favor and shut up for a minuet. The brat is about to pass out on his feet. Save your rambling for a time when someone will actually pay you any attention." growled Levi grabbing the back of Hanji's harness and lifting her away from Eren.

"So mean~" pouted Hanji before skipping off with her assistants to take apart the remnants of the Titan shell.

"Brat, think you can stand or do you need me to carry you back?" asked Levi looking at his fingernails with a disinterested expression though Eren could tell he was watching him intently.

"I-" Eren hesitated before realizing that he had absolutely no strength in his limbs and he really couldn't even fake being okay, "I'll… need some help."

"Understood." said Levi kneeling in front of him. With a swift glance around to make sure no one was paying them too much attention he said softly, "I am going to tell you exactly what's going to happen so nothing is a surprise. I don't think you want to have another panic attack in front of your friends."

Eren nodded gratefully. Levi had, after all, sat through several of his panic attacks these past few weeks and he was getting good at gauging the things that were likely to trigger him.

"I am going to pick you up and take you to that horse over there," said Levi nodding a few paces away, "If you think you can manage not falling off the back then I'll sit in front of you so you can control how much contact you can handle. Once we're back, there is just a short flight of stairs that I'll need to carry you up before you can rest again. Got it?"

Eren nodded weakly.

"Good. I won't ride with the others so if it becomes too much just tell me and we can take as many breaks as we need to." said Levi before cautiously moving forward to place one arm underneath Eren's knees and another behind his upper back and lifted him up holding him away from his body. Eren closed his eyes and set about swallowing the hysteria that kept trying to claw it's way up his throat as Levi situated him safely on the horses back before climbing in front of him.

"Ready?" asked Levi softly as Eren angled himself away from his superior.

"Yeah…" he replied quietly trying to act natural while there were still a few eyes watching them. Levi nodded and urged the horse forward. Eren linked his fingers into Levi's harness so that he didn't fall off and battled the black spots in his vision. Transforming multiple times really took a toll on his body and the only thing that was keeping him conscious right now was the adrenaline that came from being so close to someone.

"You can sleep you know," said Levi without turning, seeming to read his mind as they rode, "I'll make sure you get back to your room safely."

"Yeah… I know. But I don't know if-" Eren let the sentence remain unfinished.

_I don't know if I can intentionally make myself that vulnerable to you._

"Okay." said Levi shortly seeming to understand once again. Eren felt shame well up within him again as he lowered his head and stared at Levi's back. This man done nothing but show him time after time that he could depend on him. Even now, the heat from the body in front of him simply existed undemanding. He knew in his head that he could trust this person with his whole self, the only question was if one day he'd be able to get his body on the same page.

Hesitantly, Eren leaned his forehead against Levi's back. His Captain didn't react, just kept riding. Gaining a little courage from the unspoken permission, Eren let his exhausted body lean into the warmth in front of him and closed his eyes. This was difficult but… it was bearable. This could be okay. Eren tiredly marveled over the fact that there probably not a person alive right now other then this man who he could do this with. And maybe there wouldn't ever be. But somehow… Sometimes Eren felt like he would be okay if Levi was the only one who would ever touch him again. That sounded like something he could live with. Live with quite happily one day even.

With those confusing thoughts swirling in his head Eren let himself drift off to sleep.

* * *

Levi lowered Eren's sleeping form onto his bed and gently pulled the covers up and over him. The brat was still wearing his harness but Levi didn't remove it for two reasons; one, taking of the complicated straps that were wrapped all around the boy's body would no doubt wake him up and scare the shit out of him. Two, Eren had confided to him recently that he felt safer with the harness on because anyone who would want to take off his cloths would first have to figure out how to get the easily tangled straps off first.

Though Levi understood the logic, it still sent his blood boiling with the urge to kill whoever had made Eren believe that precaution was necessary. They had come a long way in the past couple weeks, but Levi still hadn't been able to convince Eren to reveal the name of the person who had been hurting him so badly. Still, Levi had to admit he also felt better now that Eren slept in the room next to his behind a locked door to which everyone else was forbidden to approach. Having become extremely attuned to Eren's behaviors lately, Levi felt confident that whoever the rapist was he had not made another attempt on Eren since Levi had taken him under his protection.

Still, the knowledge that the "super dangerous" Titan shifter had been removed from the dungeon had stirred a lot of stupid people's fears. The excuse that he had given the people who had complained had been that the dungeon was too far away for Levi to be able to get to if something really where to happen and that he could keep a much better eye on the shifter where he was. Most of the Survey Corps was still under the impression that he chained him up every night however. When Eren had asked Levi had told him that the chains and guards never would have really stopped Eren from transforming anyway so he no reason to pointlessly leave Eren so vulnerable for other people's access.

That was another thing that had been nagging at Levi; the chains.

The only people who had the keys to unlock and lock Eren to his bed as he had been done were himself, Hanji, and Erwin. Not even the guards had access to those keys. Yet _somebody_ clearly had. Perhaps Hanji had gotten careless with her keys over the excitement of examining Eren that day? But no, he could read the signs enough to tell that what he had witnessed had not been a one time occurrence. Perhaps then someone had created a copy of the keys? That was the only explanation he could think of because both Hanji and Erwin were generally very careful with their keys and so was he.

He knew he should report the attack on Eren to Erwin before they went on the expedition next month but… something held him back. An undefined sense of dread always settled on him whenever he considered it. He had things relatively under control as they were and Eren seemed to be improving under his care- today was proof of it; the boy had felt safe enough to fall asleep in his arms for goodness sake!- but there was no guarantee what kind of action Erwin would insist upon if he knew. It made him uneasy. Though of course they would have a better chance of catching who ever it was if they had Erwin on their side. But Levi felt confident that if left in his care Eren would eventually recover for the most part… did he trust Erwin enough to do that? Erwin undoubtedly had humanities best interest at heart and he was an incredible strategist, but he tended to trample upon individual lives in the process. Then there had been Eren's own reaction to the suggestion…

_"NO! Please Corporal! Don't tell Erwin! I'll do anything, you can use me however you want just please-!"_

"Che." Levi muttered glaring at nothing as he remembered the way Eren had offered himself up without a second thought to protect whatever it was he thought he was protecting. As if Levi was enough of a disgusting human being to take advantage of that.

"What's eating you? You've been a moody little thing these past weeks." commented Hanji startling the shit out of him as she strolled up next to him, "Well more then usual anyway."

"Mind your own business four eyes." growled Levi quickening his pace.

"It has something to do with Eren, doesn't it?" insisted Hanji hurrying to keep up with him, "I haven't ever seen you take such a special interest in a soldier before."

"He is my responsibility, of course I am keeping an eye out for him." Levi snapped back wishing Hanji wouldn't have brought that up. It awoke all sorts of guilt within Levi all over again.

"Hmm… yes but I am wondering if it might be a little more then that~" sang Hanji.

"What the fuck are you on about?" asked Levi glowering at her.

"Well, I mean, he's a bit young for your usual type, but he _clearly_ adores you and the two of you have been weirdly close lately so I just wondering~ if, you know, something might have… _developed_ between the two of you?" asked Hanji suggestively wagging her eyebrows.

"Fuck no." said Levi unable to keep the slightly pained sounding tone from his voice. If Eren had even been capable of having that type of relationship with him that chance was gone probably for good, "Don't be disgusting Hanji, he's still a brat."

"But he won't always be a brat." Hanji pushed.

"No Hanji." said Levi firmly giving her a warning look.

"Fine, fine~ whatever you say! I am still rooting for you two though." said Hanji giving him a wink that had Levi contemplating strangling her.

"Corporal Levi, Captain Hanji," said a soldier running up and saluting them.

"What?" snapped Levi not in the mood to deal with anyone right now.

"Commander Erwin has returned."


	5. Chapter 5

**warning contains suicide attempt**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Slowly Eren felt his senses returning to him. His body seemed to be trying to melt into the comfortable warmth surrounding him and Eren allowed himself a few more moments relishing the way that he felt strangely safe. A soft sense of contentment washed over him that he didn't think he had felt since his mother had been eaten by Titan's. Well, there went his sense of peace. Just that one painful memory was enough to bring him back into the bitter present.

Sitting up, Eren glanced around and realized that Levi must have brought him back to his room. Heat rushed to Eren's cheeks as he remembered the way that he had all but snuggled up to his Corporal on the back of the horse. Well, maybe snuggling was a bit of an exaggeration, but it had been more physical contact that he had willing entered into in a long time. He was surprised that the grumpy little man had even allowed it at all. But then again, Levi had been making a lot of exceptions for him lately that Eren was pretty sure he would _never_ have allowed under normal circumstances. Closing his eyes Eren could still remember that second night after Levi had removed him from the dungeons.

_"Breath Eren…" Levi ordered him sternly as Eren shook like a leaf before him. He felt so ashamed of himself but he couldn't seem to stop his body's reaction. It had been so stupid too! Jean and him had just been arguing the way they always did when the taller boy had suddenly grabbed Eren by the front of his shirt and shoved him into a wall to yell at him in the heat of the moment. Not that this was at all a weird thing for them seeing as they had a rather poor relationship, but in that moment something about the rough calloused hands holding him against the stone wall had been too much. Part of Eren just seemed to shut down. However, before Eren could have a proper mental breakdown- or perhaps throw up all over Jeans face, he wasn't sure which- Levi had torn the taller boy off him. However, the relief hadn't quite been enough to quell the panic that still sang through his senses. Eren let himself slide to the floor keeping his head down trying to control the spinning of the room while Levi made a show of threatening the two of them if they ever fucked anything up by having petty arguments. Honestly though, Eren wasn't all that sure what he had said, too focused on not crying like a baby in front of all his teammates. Then Levi had been there again, roughly grabbing him by his harness and towing him off to his office as quickly as possible and locking the door._

_ "Breath Eren…" Levi once again reminded him as he crouched in front of him on the floor close to him, but not close enough that it felt like he was a danger._

_ "T-trying, g-give me a sec." Eren managed to get out as he curled in on himself riding out the waves of panic. Levi nodded and backed off a bit more. It had taken a little over an hour to finally calm down- though Eren still felt like his body had become a live wire with shocks of energy skittering across his skin at random intervals- at which point Levi had sat him down for a talk._

_ "This can't go on Eren." He told him sternly and Eren's heart plummeted with dread. This was the point he had been a afraid of; when Levi realized that no amount of Titan powers made him worth the effort- "And before you start getting dumb ideas into you head I am not giving up on you. Not just yet."_

_ "Sir?" Eren asked in confusion._

_ "What I meant is that things can not remain as they are now. Something has got to change." Levi explained with what seemed to be slight exasperation._

_ "I- I am trying sir, I really am! it's just-" Eren lowered his eyes shamefully._

_ "I know you are. And I get it, really; there is no way you're going to be just fine and dandy all of a sudden just by thinking happy thoughts or whatever shit people tell you. These kinds of things don't work like that." Levi said impassively settling onto his desk, "but we do need to at least get you able to touch people again."_

_ "But-" Eren began hopelessly thinking how impossible that sounded. His whole being seemed to have been rewired wrong and it didn't feel like he was ever going to be the same again. The idea that he might need to touch someone was enough to make him feel sick._

_ "This is a serious problem, brat." Levi had informed him sternly, "I know you probably think you would be perfectly happy of you just never touched anybody again, and maybe you could get around ever having to in normal life, but you are in the Survey Corps. There are going to be times one missions where people are going to need to touch you. What if you transform and afterwards you're too weak to get away? what if one of your little friends gear breaks and somebody has to carry them or they'll get eaten? what if one of you are in danger and one of you needs to get pulled out of harms way? none of that is going to be able to happen if you toss your cookies every time someone gets to close. People could actually die because of something like that."_

_ "I-I understand." said Eren lowering his head in shame, "I'll try harder."_

_ Eren heard Levi sigh._

_ "I am not saying you suddenly have to enjoy touching people again or being touched, I am just saying we need to get you to a place where it is at least tolerable." Levi said rubbing his temples, "After we get that, we can work on whatever you need further then that."_

_ "But how?" asked Eren hopelessly, "I don't see how that can even be possible anymore."_

_ "Hmm…" hummed Levi thoughtfully his head tilting at Eren analytically, "Lets start by what exactly it is about touching people that makes it feel so… unpleasant."_

_ "Everything." replied Eren with a shudder._

_ "A little more specific than 'everything' brat," sighed Levi testily, "What exactly does it feel like?"_

_ "It feels…" Eren paused thinking about it and lowering his gaze to the floor, "Scary… and painful. Like any moment they're going to lash out and I-"_

_ "I see." said Levi tonelessly. Eren swallowed and managed to raise his eyes slightly to look cautiously at Levi. His Corporal wasn't looking at him though, but rather glaring at his shoes as if they hard called his parentage into question._

_ "Corporal?" asked Eren uncertainly. Levi met his gaze and Eren was startled to see a strange expression that he had never seen on his superiors face._

_ "So mostly it feels unsafe?" said Levi evenly at long last._

_ "Y-yes?" said Eren almost forgetting what they had been talking about. 'Unsafe' didn't quite do the tornado of emotions within him justice, but he supposed that was certainly part of what came up._

_ "What if you were the one controlling the touch?" asked Levi slowly._

_ "Huh?" asked Eren confused._

_ "Hmm… yes… that'll work…" mused Levi mostly to himself before abruptly looking up at Eren again and extending his hand, "here."_

_ "W-what? I don't understand." Eren said recoiling from the out stretched hand._

_ "Until you can manage to touch others without freaking out you can practice on me." said Levi as if he was explaining a simple concept to a particularly dense toddler._

_ "But- I don't want to." Eren mumbled hugging himself._

_ "You're never going to want to." said Levi sharply and Eren wondered if he imagined the bitter expression that flitted across the older man's face, "But you still need to."_

_ "Y-yes sir." Eren managed standing and taking a few steps forward before stopping and staring at Levi's outstretched hand. He couldn't do it. Just a hand sitting there but for some reason it felt like it was a snake about to lash out and grab him at any moment._

_ "You can do it," Levi said in the softest tone Eren had ever heard him use, "I won't move, you're completely in control right now. You don't need to go any further then you're comfortable."_

_ Eren bit back a comment about how he wasn't comfortable with any of it, and instead nodded. His hand shook as he reached and brushed his fingertips against Levi's outstretched palm._

Reopening his eyes Eren smiled slightly as he remembered how awkward that first night was. Though Levi had kept his word and had never moved to touch Eren back. They had repeated the process everyday since, and as Levi proved day after day that wouldn't break his word Eren grew slightly bolder in his touches. It was still a struggle though, every time Levi extended his hand there was a part of Eren that screamed 'run!'. But he could also tell that, to some degree at least, it was working. Little accidental touches no longer had him on the floor in a bout of panic (usually) though it was still like being struck with lightening every time.

Still, Eren knew this sort of honeymoon period couldn't last. Erwin was due back any day now. The knowledge kept him in a constant state of anxiety. Should he tell Levi? But what could Levi do if he knew? Erwin was the Commander. Then again, Eren didn't think Levi would be able to do anything if he knew any of it, but evidence to the contrary was shown to him every day. Even so, Eren didn't think he could tell. For one, there would be too many questions that he wasn't ready to answer. Inevitable confrontations that Eren didn't think he would survive. Even if Levi took his side it would put him in a lot of danger, for the punishments for insubordination were steep. And what if, even if Eren told him, Levi didn't- or wasn't able to- protect him? Eren would almost rather just keep his Corporal blameless and tell himself that if Levi knew he would have protected him.

"Eren?" came a low voice from the door accompanied with a soft knocking, "Are you awake?"

"Reiner?" asked Eren in surprise gathering his strength to unlock the door for his friend.

"Eren," said Reiner with a large grin from behind the tray of food he bore, "I am glad to see you're alright. Armin told me today was really hard."

"Yeah, it was…" said Eren frowning at the tray, "…What are you doing? Corporal Levi usually is the one to supervise my meals. You're not supos- well, you could get into a lot of trouble if someone found you up here couldn't you?"

"Can you blame me?" laughed Reiner stepping into the room and kicking the door closed behind him, "Shorty and the crazy science lady always have you all holed up these days. We hardly see you at all these days."

"Ah, yes. They're really working all of us to the bone aren't they?" laughed Eren nervously. He hadn't been alone in a room with anyone but Levi since… But Reiner was right, he hadn't spent much time with his friends lately. Just being around so many bodies was rather stressful so Levi had been allowing him to spend all his free time in his room.

"You more than us! Still, I like this room much better than you're dungeon." laughed Reiner.

"Yeah, me too…" said Eren trying to laugh too but not quite able to repress the shudder of the reason why he had left the other room in the first place. He realized that his friend was watching him closely with a odd look in his eyes. It was a little strange that Reiner was visiting him now… well they had been friendly with one another before during their trainee days of course, but Eren had had almost zero interactions with the older boy since his first transformation. Most of his friends were now wary of him, he had thought it would be the same with Reiner. It was kind of relieving to see that wasn't the case.

"Eren, are you alright?" asked Reiner suddenly.

"Huh?" asked Eren in surprise.

"I've noticed for a while now… You've looked… troubled lately." said Reiner slowly as if he were searching for the right words.

"Reiner-" began Eren uncertainly.

"Sorry, if you can't tell me-" he began eyes widening seeming to back pedal, "It's just, Bertholdt and I have noticed lately and we've been a little, you know, worried about you."

"You've been worried about _me_?" asked Eren in shock.

"Well of course, we're friends aren't we?" smiled Reiner as if it was obvious. Eren still felt extremely confused, he hadn't thought they were that close. This sudden buddy-buddy affection that Reiner was exuding was really odd. Still, apparently they seemed to not think of him as a monster and still cared enough to worry about him. Eren felt a soft warmth spread through his chest. Maybe he had misjudged these people, maybe he could depend on them a little even.

"Yeah… I am sorry I've been neglecting you guys, it's just- it's been hard lately. The military isn't exactly what I thought it would be. I- I am beginning to realize that the Titans aren't always the most horrible monsters out there, you know?" said Eren uncertainly. A very odd look passed over Reiner's face, almost hungry… it kind of scared Eren.

"Yes… I know _exactly_ what you mean." said Reiner licking his lips slightly, "You know, there are other people who think the same way. Would you… maybe want to meet them sometime?"

"W-what are you talking about Reiner? You're being weird. Besides, if you haven't noticed I am on house arrest. Can't go anywhere." said Eren trying to lighten the suddenly weird atmosphere.

"We could always kidnap you." said Reiner thoughtfully, at Eren's startled look he suddenly grinned, "Kidding!"

"Hahaha, you're weird Reiner." laughed Eren uncertainly. It hadn't sounded like he was kidding.

"But really Eren," said Reiner seriously leaning into Eren's personal space making the brunet retreat slightly, "If you ever need some time away from that crazy ass midget or anything just tell us. We could do something fun, let off some steam, you know?"

"Ah, thanks for the offer. If I ever need to I will." smiled Eren slipping out of reach of the larger boy and tried to even out his wildly beating heart.

"Reiner? You there? We've got to go, Erwin just got back and there will be an assembly later." called Bertholdt poking his head inside, "Hey Eren, you alright? You look kind of pale."

_I am dead. _

_ "_Huh? Oh yeah, I won't keep you two. Thanks for the food Reiner." said Eren smiling and standing abruptly. It must have looked off because both of his teammates were staring at him as he shooed them out the door and locked it securely behind them.

"Eren! Eren! What the fuck was that?!"

"Eren, what's wrong?"

_I am so dead._

"Eren, open the door!"

"Reiner give it up he clearly doesn't want to talk right now, we'll come check on him later."

_I wish I was dead. Anything is better than being taken by him again. I am better off dead. Everyone else is better off if I am dead._

Eren's eyes snapped open at the thought from where he had curled up at the foot of the door. He began to search frantically for something sharp in the room but predictably found nothing. Intolerable feelings clawed up his throat and he collapsed again as dry sobs shook his frame. He couldn't do this. Not again. Not when he'd finally started to heal. One way or another, he had to go. And since there was not way they would let him leave this place alive…

_…Better off dead_.

His eyes fell on the tray Reiner had brought him. There, folded into the napkin next to a fork sat a sharp looking knife. Desperately Eren lunged for it. Shakily he brought it to his wrists and dug into them till crimson coated his surroundings. But no sooner then he had made the cuts they began to heal close again. Eren wanted to scream in frustration. Why was the world so cruel that it wouldn't let him escape from this hell that he was living. Bad enough to make him born into a world of monster. Bad enough that he _was_ a monster. But he also had to be-

_Wait… he was a monster. A Titan. He knew how to kill a Titan._

With hardly any hesitation Eren brought the knife down into the hollow at the back of his neck.

* * *

"Levi, I have known you for many years now and I trust you, so why is it that you must test my patients at every chance." said Erwin slowly as Levi stood before him in his office.

"I did what I deemed to be necessary." replied Levi flatly staring the blond man down.

"I know Eren's case is not one we've encountered before, and I know you would prefer not to be needlessly cruel to the boy, but the counsel is breathing down our necks right now looking for any reason to take him back. Such a deliberate flaunting of the rules could literarily be our downfall at this point. And then where will Eren be then?" said Erwin coldly.

"The dungeon may be an ideal place to hold a prisoner, but in Eren's case it would very little to hold him if he really was a danger. Like I explained to you earlier, it make much more sense to have him closer so that we may act quicker if the need arises." said Levi testily not liking to repeat himself.

"I might have believed that was your reasoning if it weren't for the other reports I've gotten." Erwin said evenly.

"What other reports?" asked Levi broadly.

"He has private meals now in his room now, yes? Apparently, no one is to approach him without your express permission and even during experiments no one is to touch him besides you and Hanji. Is this true?" asked Erwin leafing through his papers.

"Yes." admitted Levi, inwardly cursing whoever had written Erwin that report… probably that Mikasa brat. She hated how close he was with Eren these days.

"Levi…" sighed Erwin, "I understand that it is difficult not to become close to your soldiers at times, however this is too much. Eren is a Titan shifter, you can't afford to become emotionally compromised."

"Emotionally- ?! The hell Erwin?!" spluttered Levi indignantly.

"Emotionally compromised," repeated Erwin with an oddly dark look lurking in his eyes on his otherwise calm face, "Lately you've been completely monopolizing Eren's whole world."

"I am not." growled Levi lowly. Well… he had been, a bit, but mostly because he didn't know who to trust lately and Eren was in such a delicate state…. "He's a brat in case you didn't notice Erwin, why would I go out of my way to spend time with him if I didn't deem it necessary?"

Except that he had been, and somehow, Erwin seemed to know it.

"I am glad to hear that, because if that is the case you should have no problem if I transfer his care to someone else for a while, right?" said Erwin.

"What?!" Levi tried not to screech but he was a little more concerned by the fact that he thought his heart might have stopped.

"I need you to go on a short mission within the walls for me and I can't have Eren in any way traced to it. So, for a short while I'll put someone else in charge making sure he doesn't transform without permission." said Erwin extending a folder of papers to Levi.

"Have someone else on it." Levi demanded and Erwin's eyes narrowed further.

"No. Even if there was anyone else who could do this job, which there isn't, you've become too possessive of Eren and I think some space would be good." said Erwin firmly.

"Like fuck it is." snarled Levi.

"Calm down Levi, it's for the best." said Erwin holding up his hands in a placating manner.

"You don't understand shit." Levi bit out his mind reeling. How was he supposed to keep Eren safe if he couldn't even be there? And who else did he trust to protect him when he didn't even know who attacked him in the first place?

"Levi…" sighed Erwin rubbing his temples, "Go calm down for a bit and then come back later and we'll talk about this again. But what I said is true; I really do need you on this mission."

"Tch." Levi clicked his tongue and turned on his heal marching out of the office. The few soldiers he encountered in the hallways took one look at his expression and jumped out of his way.

_Emotionally compromised…._

Levi ground his teeth together. It took him a moment to realize that he had instinctually headed towards Eren room and stopped dead in his tracks. Why had he done that? Was Erwin right? Had he become too attached?

_Yes. In fact Levi was starting to think that maybe…_

But that was ridiculous. It was just all that shit Hanji kept spouting at him was getting to his head. So he had gotten a little more concerned with Eren's emotional well being then was strictly appropriate for a Corporal, but it was hard not to with all that they had gone through together. When Eren stared up at him with those big green eyes like Levi was the last shred of hope he had left-

"Tch, you've got it all backwards kid, you're supposed to be the last hope." muttered Levi heading for the roof instead. However, once he was there the fresh air did little to clear his jumbled thoughts. Levi crossed his arms and glared out at the breathtaking scenery as if it had personally insulted him. He certainly felt insulted. Perhaps because he was starting to realize that the truth might even be worse then what Erwin had accused him of. More and more he was beginning to realize…

"For fucks sake… brat's going to be the death of me one way or another." growled Levi rubbing his temples.

_…that he was quite possibly, maybe, irrecoverably in love with the stupid brat._

* * *

Zoe Hanji was no idiot. Though she actually didn't believe that there was crazy-sexy-man-love going on between her friend and the young Titan shifter like she was prone to tease the grumpy short captain, she also knew that there was _something_ was going on. Eren had been more skittish then a frightened puppy lately, and Levi had been hovering over Eren like a mother hen, nearly ripping off the head of anyone who seemed to make the boy uncomfortable. Which was just about everyone.

But Hanji could also see that whatever her friend was doing, it was helping. Eren still hand the look of a wounded animal in his eyes, but he had also been looking happier than he had in a long while. Over the years Hanji had learned how to resist her wild sense on curiosity when it came to things like this. It simply wasn't her business right now so she wouldn't ask. However, as stated before, she wasn't stupid. She didn't just _not_ see the signs that had been presented to her, she couldn't help but form a few theories around them too. But she wouldn't say anything, not unless it became necessary.

Erwin had also been acting weird. He had seemed most troubled when he heard about Levi's sudden involvement in Eren's affairs. Almost worried. And perhaps a little bit possessive? Of Levi or Eren, Hanji wasn't sure. Erwin had always been a rather reserved man when it came to his personal feelings. She remembered when she had learned that Erwin had left the girl he had wanted to marry to join the Survey Corps and slay the Titans. She had seen the picture the first Commander had showed her of a fair brunette with striking green eyes. Hanji had been a little worried. Could she really trust a man who could just throw away his own humanity to achieve a goal? And could you ever really throw away your humanity? Surly, somewhere, Erwin must still be bitter about the way his life had turned out, and if Hanji's own experiences where anything to go by, that could lead people to do some pretty twisted things. But so far Erwin had proven to be a good Commander. And he had given her Titan's to experiment on so Hanji really couldn't complain.

Ah~ this was why she sometimes preferred Titans to humans. They were such straight forward creatures usually; they wanted to eat you… and then they tried to eat you. Though of course they were also complex and mysterious enough to hold her interest. But none of that tiring emotional baggage that made dealing with humans so taxing.

She passed Reiner and Bertholdt in the hall whispering urgently to one another.

"E~ren! Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty! I need to talk to you a bit about today's experiment!" sang Hanji rapping on the Titan shifter's door. When there was no reply she fished out her keys and unlocked the door.

"Eren, come on! You can't just sleep the day aw-" Hanji stopped dead in her tracks as she caught sight of Eren laying unmoving on the floor in a pool of his own blood with a knife buried hilt deep at the base of his neck.

"F-fuck! Somebody grab me my bags!" screamed Hanji down the hall at Reiner who just about jumped out of his skin looking startled, before she pointed at Bertholdt, "And you! Go get Corporal Levi _now_!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Hanji breathed a sigh of relief as she kneeled next to Eren on the floor. The knife's aim was slightly off; the entrance point was correct but the blade itself had traveled sideways within the flesh. Though there was damage to Eren's critical point, the wound itself wasn't fatal. However, this relief was short lived. Hanji quickly cursed as she realized that hardly any of the blood on the floor was from the wound on the boy's neck- the mixture of gravity and the fact that the knife was still lodged inside was preventing _too_ much blood from leaking out- which meant he was hurt somewhere else too. A quick, frantic search revealed deep, half healed, slashes in Eren's wrists.

_Oh Eren… you weren't attacked, were you? You did this to yourself didn't you?_

"Hanji, I brought your- fuck! Eren! What the hell happened!" cried Bertholdt dropping Hanji's bag next to her and falling onto his knees on Eren's other side.

"Boy, get some bandages ready. Eren doesn't seem to be healing so we're going to have to act fast." Hanji quickly commanded as she rifled through her bag for a needle and thread, "Put pressure on the wound on his other arm while I stich up this one."

"But the knife-!" protested Bertholdt weakly as he did as he was told.

"He'll die of blood loss long before he dies on this." Hanji explained tersely as she stitched Eren's skin together with steady hands, though she was shaking on the inside. Cursing at how deep the cuts were(and cursing Eren's lack of a "stop" signal when it came to pain too while she was at it) She struggled to get a good grip on skin that was slick and slippery with the boy's blood.

_Eren, hold on…_ Hanji thought, _You are not allowed to die yet. I haven't gotten to preform half the experiments I want to on you!_

"Hanji… Please, what happened to Eren? Will he be okay?" pleaded Bertholdt.

"Bandage that arm. Make sure it's tight." was all Hanji replied with, not really wanting to think about either of those questions at that moment. Not that she could help it, they were all that swirled through her head even as her fingers worked as quickly as they could. Why had he done that? Would he be okay? was ever even okay in the first place? Hanji had noticed, but she had chosen not to do anything. If she had, would she still be struggling to save his life now?

"Hanji! One of the brat's said you…" Levi's irritated voice suddenly trailed off from it's place the doorway. Hanji didn't really have to use her imagination as to why. Instead she focused on tying off the end of her stitches and insurring that Bertholdt was bandaging them correctly before wiping her hands and setting her eyes on the most daunting problem.

"Okay, this is going to be tricky. Taking out the knife could actually cause more damage to Eren's critical point then leaving. However, nothing will be able to heal at all until we remove it… Levi, I need you and these two boys to help me with this." Hanji instructed as she drew in a deep breath.

"Just tell me what to do." agreed Reiner- who had been standing frozen behind Levi- as he dropped down next to Bertholdt.

"I need you to hold down his limbs just in case… I need to be able to remove the knife in the exact path that it entered to avoid further damage. Even it this was a wound on a normal person with no Titan weirdness involved, there are still a lot of vital nerve endings in this area. I don't think he'll regain consciousness, nut he may trash about and I need you three to hold him steady for me." Hanji said quickly guiding the two boys into place.

"Alright." Reiner mumbled placing his large hands onto the boy below, and Hanji couldn't held but think how fragile Eren looked being held between two people as large and strong as Reiner and Bertholdt.

"Okay and Levi- Levi? What are you-?" Hanji looking around for the first time for her friend. When she caught sight of him still standing frozen in the doorway she remembered the reasons why she hadn't looked at him in the first place when he had entered; there was such raw and terrible emotion swirling on her old friend's face that it almost felt physically painful to watch, but she forced herself to anyway, "Levi… Come here. I need you to help me or Eren is going to die."

"Of course." Levi gruffly seeming to snap out of his shock and briskly stepped forward, avoiding her eyes.

"I need you to keep his head safe, okay?" Hanji said quickly waving him over.

"I am not so sure if I am the best person for that job…" Levi said softly Hanji didn't think she was supposed to hear as he knelt down in the filth and blood on the floor and cradled Eren's head carefully, but firmly. Hanji shook her head, reminding herself to save the thoughts those actions provoked for a better time.

"Alright, everybody ready? Let's begin." Hanji said taking hold the knife at last and pulling.

* * *

There had been blood.

Everything seemed to overlap in his mind. Green eyes that had once been so bright turned dull and glassy. Crimson smeared across young, soft, features. Hair that had been soft now matted to a face that now bore no emotion.

There had been blood then too. So much blood.

How stupid was he? How could he have made the same mistake twice with two people who were so similar? He had had a feeling before too. That if he left them alone something bad would happen. But he had chosen to anyway. Convinced himself that it would be better for them that way. That the girl he thought of as a sister would be safer with more experienced people, even though he'd witnessed that they were incompetent. That the boy he'd fallen for should have some space by himself, even when he'd _known_ that he was extremely unstable emotionally.

_And there had been SO much blood when he'd returned._

Perhaps he was stupid to compare Isabelle's death with what happened to Eren. But he wouldn't help it. After all, it wasn't the first time he had thought about those two in relation to each other. The quite, or sometimes not so quite, similarities they had. That swirling, passionate, fire that had seemed to burn in both their eyes when he'd first met them. The stupid dreamy look they would get in their eyes when they talked about the world outside the walls. The way they could both be so pridefully stupid and yet reasonably intelligent at the same time. Was it really so strange that he should compare them again.

_No_, he chided himself, _Because Isabelle is dead, and Eren is still alive. I haven't screwed up so badly this time that there isn't a chance to fix it._

But what on earth could he do for Eren? His own desire for the boy made him an inappropriate person to assist in Eren's recovery. Was Erwin right? Was he monopolizing the boy selfishly when he could really be doing so much better under someone else's care? And yet… it also made him never want to leave his side. He didn't know anyone else that wouldn't be trying to help Eren with an agenda of there own. There were Eren's little friends but… That girl would be worse then he was and the blond haired boy… he didn't know about him. He was clever, that's for sure, but he had also seen the kid intentionally put Eren in terrible situations for the sake of a strategy. In that sense, Armin Alert reminded Levi greatly of Erwin and frankly he was still pissed off at Erwin so he wasn't going to hand Eren's care to the commander's little clone.

"What am I going to do with you Jaegar?" Levi murmured carding his fingers through the boy's hair fondly his eye lingering on the fresh bandages around his neck and wrists. Eren sighed softly in his sleep and his face scrunching up cutely at the touch. Levi paused to let his fingers brush instead against the boy's cheek. Oh great walls above, what was he going to do? He really fucking adored this brat. Unconsciously, his hand moved to cup Eren's cheek and he dipped his head in close. Right before he connected their lips did his brain finally catch up with his body and Levi jerked back like he had been burned. Eren slept on, unaware of all the turmoil he had wrecked through Levi's life.

Oh he was such a fucked up bastard…. Levi cursed himself repeatedly as he held his hand to his mouth like he had actually committed the atrocious act. How could he do that? How could his treacherous body betray him like that? This was why he needed to find someone else to help Eren recover. He was clearly the wrong person. Especially because even though he _knew _how Eren had been violated in the past he had still almost done it himself. Never mid that it would have just been an innocent kiss. Eren was unconscious, therefore _any _ form of intimacy was to be counted as unconsented.

This couldn't go on. Eren needed someone who wasn't going to accidentally take advantage of him. Levi needed to get away from him for a while and get these wild emotions under control.

"Levi?" called Petra from the other side of the door, "I'll keep guard over Eren for a bit. Erwin and Hanji need you for a meeting to decide what to do next."

"Very well," said Levi sparing Eren one last lingering glance before going to unlock the door for the young woman and brushing past her quickly, "send someone if he wakes up."


End file.
